I've waited all my life for this! Ever since I saw the cartoon as a kid, and then the animated movie, I've been

      And I feel this streak of brilliance will go to the next step with Michael Bay's summer blockbuster "Transformers". Michael  is best known for his keen ability to imbue realism into all of his movies, mixing intense action with tear-jerking drama. Who here could hold back his tears as Nicolas Cage desperately signaled allied airplanes to hold their fire at the end of the epic saga "The Rock"? And what would the movie "Pearl Harbor" have been  without the 2 hour love triangle between what's-their-faces? Armageddon? Bad Boys II? Playboy Video Centerfold: Kerri Kendall? No wonder Steven Spielberg himself, probably under the calming judgment-enhancing influence of crystal meth, decided to back Transformers. 

        Now I haven't seen the movie yet, only the trailers, so it's probably unfair for me to judge it. Maybe it will suck major FUCKING BALLS and SPIT ON EVERYTHING THAT US GREASY AGING NERDS HOLD DEAR but surely it will be an epic of Star Wars proportions, touching an entire generation. One of the cool ways in which Michael has chosen to revamp our beloved characters is by changing the one thing that truly was lackluster about them: the way they looked. If there's one thing kids complained about nonstop, it's  how lame it was for Optimus to not have  flames painting on his hood, or how badass Megatron would be if he looked more like a coral reef.
You can check out the fine work the design people have done for the movie here.

        Finally, all my favorite Transformers given a unique shape! No longer restrained by the lame "must look at least somewhat humanoid" rule, we now have cool vehicles that turn into even cooler... like... robots I guess. Well I'm not sure what most of them are supposed to be, but they're not vehicles, so that's what a Transformer basically is! And no more of that "Robots in Disguise" nonsense. What was it anyways? In "disguise" or "in  the skies"? No kid could ever get it right, thank God they scrapped that idea and made sure most of the robots in their vehicle mode look nothing like what you'd find on Earth. 

       Mister Bay promises that the movie will be filled with action but also focus more on Spike Witwicky, resident faggot loser in the original cartoons. Hopefully he'll do as much of a great job with Spike as with the rest of the cast and we can  expect him to be a grizzled ex-marine with a dark past who ends up destroying all the decepticons with his newly-acquired cybernetic arms. And maybe he's actually a hot chick too.