| <<MAIN>> << MEMBERS >> <<STORIES>> << THE SCIENCE >> =================================================================================== DARTH VADER  Our lord and Savior. Background: Created the entire Universe then impregnated random peasant woman on alien planet a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. This immaculate conception brought forth Anakin Skywalker, Darth Vader's son ( sort of ) who later turned into the only thing a son of Darth Vader could ever turn into: himself. Blessed with remarkable piloting skills and attunement with "TheForce" he would live to end countless tyranic imperial officers through the magic of "choking the shit out of them". Sacrificed himself to absolve humanity of its sins by throwing the evil emperor down into a space well from space. Powers: All of them, though the "son" form could only use "The Force", i.e. mind control, choking etc. YOU'VE SEEN THE MOVIES. Past Forms: None. Though known from time to time as "Zeus" or some other ridiculous crap, he has never revealed himself to humans and therefore all representations of him having a beard, 20 arms, a falcon head or X-Ray vision are fabrications. RAMMSTEIN  Gods of: Music Background: Born long ago in the center of the Death Star, forged by ancient dwarves with the finest alloys of mystical metal, they've risen from the Death Star to rock major amounts of faces. Posing as German steel mill workers, aka the toughest sons of bitches ever, they alternate between giving concerts amidst torrents of flames and building more tanks in a secret military base in preparation of WW4 or 5 or whichever one we're at. Powers: Fire, and LOTS OF IT. Past Forms: Muses ( died in 1934 during a freak wax museum explosion, reborn later as angry Germans ), BRUCE JACKSON  God of: something Background: _____ Powers: _____ Past Forms: VENOM  God of: something Background: _____ Powers: _____ Past Forms: Every creepy-ass batshit insane monster that ever plagued mankind's nigthmares, Bono. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER  God of: Peace Background: _____ Powers: _____ Past Forms: XENA  Goddess of: Something Background: _____ Powers: _____ Past Forms: Xena, and only Xena. MADDOX  God of: Manliness Background: The only apostle to have his own bible:
Powers: Maddox blesses the young males with balls and takes them away if you get cocky ( nut cancer? yes that's where it comes from ). With the gift of ample balls, a young man's blood will flow with the divine nectar of "testosterone" , his voice will become a low prideful rumble, curly black hair will sprout from all over his body and he will become mean and violent, just like Darth Vader. Past Forms: Samsom, Fabio, Andre the Giant, STEVEN COLBERT  God of: Truthiness Background: _____ Powers: _____ Past Forms: AUSTIN POWERS  God of: Love Background: _____ Powers: _____ Past Forms: Eros, Caligula, Dyonisos, Aphrodite, Cupid GEORGE COSTANZA  God of: something Background: _____ Powers: _____ Past Forms: ASH  God of: something Background: _____ Powers: _____ Past Forms: JOHN BROWER MINNOCH  God of: Doing something insanely disgusting for a really long time without caring for the consequences. Background: Probably the lesser-known apostle. Spent a short time on Earth, from 1941 to 1983, to earn the title of the world's fattest and therefore most powerful man. At 6 foot 1 he managed to stretch his skin enough so 1400 pounds of thick insulating blubber could be stored in case the world ran out of food. Yes, that's right, 1400 pounds. Here's a handy chart that will illustrate just how impressive this man was:  Powers: _____ Past Forms: Mr MIYAGI  God of: Wisdom Background: _____ Powers: _____ Past Forms: =================================================================================== <<MAIN>> << MEMBERS >> <<STORIES>> << THE SCIENCE >> |
